Yoga Nidra: the letting go

BeCalmed Studio’s Janie Walker has completed further Yoga Nidra teacher training at InDepth Yoga Academy.

I’m aware of the absence of things, just for a second. I’m lying on the floor in a cool roof-top yoga studio in Phuket. I know there’s chaotic traffic half a kilometre away. Dogs barking. The yells of fight from the boxing academy up the road. But I’m no longer conscious of that . I’ve reached a withdrawal of the senses and there’s a new experience happening. I’m loosing control of my thoughts. I can feel them slipping away and I’m trying to fight the natural desire to grasp them back. As I let go I fight too. What am I letting go into?

For the first time, I’m experiencing this fight and letting go as a duality: as anxiety as well as calm. I used to think I was one or the other at any given time. I thought the point of all this yoga and meditation practice was to spend more time in the calm space, blocking out the anxiety and worry. But after this new Yoga Nidra teacher training, I realise that both exist at the same time. There needs to be an awareness and acceptance of all our icky stuff instead of blocking it out in the hope that we will eventually be somewhere else. We have to find love for what we’re letting go of.

I think that’s what holidays and changing jobs or relationships do. They force us to leave ourselves instead of love ourselves. It’s easer to leave.

A brindle rescue cat and a black and white rescue dog have made their home here as they saunter and stretch in and out of our class. They’re both splayed out in front of me on their tummies. These animals had a hard start in life but they’re learning to rest here too. I like the addition of animals - easy compassion.

The lovely yoga teachers here are a mother and daughter team - Nathalie and Anastasia (Ana). Ana, the daughter, is my Yoga Nidra trainer. She’s much younger than me and fires between a wise sage and a youthful pocket-rocket. I love her quirkiness and absolute love of yoga. She explains complex yoga terms in easy ways. I also love the way she’s spent her young life questioning the teachings of the buddha and ancient wisdoms instead of blindly following them. She’s very smart and I can’t wait to meet her when her years catch up with her mind.

Ana reminds me that this letting go in Yoga Nidra leads to the heart of this practice - resting in wakeful awareness - the systematic letting go of physical, mental and emotion tensions during the different states of a Yoga Nidra session. Tension ceases to exist for a time. This brings a profound state of relaxation, rest and healing - well beyond the 30-40 minute practice.

Resting in awareness of the present moment is the whole point of, well, pretty much anything to do with yoga!

I think we can experience a brief, shallower state of this - a taster - in our daily lives. You’ve finished work and you rush home (because that’s just what you do). You do the essentials and instead of turning the TV on, you sit on the deck, garden or bed. Alone. There’s so much to do and achieve. But you’re overwhelmed. You listen to the wise part of yourself and decide to just stop for a minute. You get comfy, take a deep breath in (of fresh air) and sigh out (stale air). There are a few seconds before your brain kicks in and tells you to get a move on and you rest between the outbreath and the inbreath. Something else exists. A beautiful pause. It’s the resting place of our true nature. You don’t really know what that is, but you know it’s there. Intuitively you know it’s something you want/need more of. Awareness of your present moment without the shitty past or the anxious future. This resting in awareness decides how you live the rest of your life. The longer you stay - and the deeper you go with practices like Yoga Nidra - the more you naturally transform your life. Because there’s no reaction when there’s no tension. There’s just an awareness of things as they are. You get to experience the why of your conscious and subconscious.

So, what’s the point of resting in wakeful awareness? There’s the easier to grasp stuff - you relax, lower your heart rate, digest better, relax your nervous system to lower stress, manage pain and increase yummy neurotransmitters like dopamine.

Then there’s the energetic and personality stuff: Yoga Nidra, over time, changes your relationship to thoughts, emotions and how you interact with the world.

Only yesterday, I had another moment of realisation of this for myself. We were deciding whether to lock up or not before we went out. I’m more cautious than my partner and can get anxious about leaving. We were about to enter the familiar argument when I said, “Just do whatever you think is best”. I thought to myself, “Wow, who was that?” Way calmer. Less reactory. A much nicer person to be around.

Letting go can be scary but clutching makes us fight. And fishing spins us in mental circles. Letting go with practices like Yoga Nidra is what will ultimately transform our lives and the lives of others.

Ana from InDepth Yoga Academy. A wise and quirky soul.